About

Time to Talk

1 in 4 people experience mental health issues - today is TimeToTalk day, a campaign that is close to my heart not only because of my mental illnesses but because of how I was introduced the campaign by my beautiful Sky, so today I'm taking part in the campaign again to raise awareness and to do him proud, here's my story:Growing up I was always the "difficult" sibling, me and my older brother were raised the same and had the same experiences but they always effected ...me differently. The smallest thing could make me lose my temper. I once got so angry at my friend Charlotte that I locked her in my bedroom with me and refused to let her out. I couldn't handle my emotions, couldn't deal with social situations, would kick off over the smallest things and end up hurting myself or someone else.Back then the doctors told my mum it was hormones - I was around 5/6. I went to one session at the Child development center and then was discharged. Nothing wrong with me apparently. But I knew there was. I would spend nights at the top of the stairs screaming that I needed help, tears streaming down my face. Begging for someone to listen. What could my mum do though? I used to blame her for how bad I got, but I don't now. She was told by the doctors that it was hormones, that I'd grow out of it.When I was 15, almost 16, I went back and my mum told them I wanted to kill myself. The doctor told me to write stuff down that made me sad. Made me feel like a child who was a bit miffed at the world. So I decide to now go back.A year later age 17 I went back in, told the doctor myself that I was starting to self harm properly now. I had active plans to die. He gave me some citalopram and sent me away. It got worse and worse and worse the meds were not helping after a year.After getting to the highest dosage a doctor at university changed me to sertraline and a doctor back home sent me to the CMHT.The psychiatrist there sent me away after saying I was making it all up, asking me if I had "a good imagination."I was discharged with a diagnosis of dysthymia (genetic depression) and depression.Two years of sertraline and eventually mitazapine has left me 5 stone heavier - not ok!A few weeks before Christmas I was emergency referred back to the CMHT. I had started to believe things, feel things and hear things that were not there. The anger was uncontrolled again. Here I found out that my depression had men hiding that I had borderline personality disorder with paranoid tendencies as well.I'm now on venaflaxine- which is great for the depression but not the psychosis, just 3 days ago I had three suicide attempts in a row.It's not pleasant. It's hard. But I'll get better. I will.

 

 **********